Dear Parents in the Back Row:
I know that "The Incredible Hulk" sounded like a really cool movie. It sounded so awesome that I decided to go see it. But I didn't think it sounded like a cool movie for your two-year-old.
But, hey, I'm not a parent, why do I know? If you think violence and sex are appropriate viewing material for your little one, it's really not my concern (at least, it won't be until your bundle of joy becomes a ward of the state and my tax dollars are fixing the damage done in his/her formative years).
Your poor parenting techniques unfortunately became my problem a little early when the toddler in question started around the first chase scene through Rio de Janiero. The mewling was a little distracting, but hey, I had some yelling of soldiers and big booms to cover it up.
When the screaming continued upon Bruce Banner's recovery from the latest "incident," I had about five minutes allotted for you to a) settle him/her down or b) remove her from the theater. I paid a solid $7.50 to enjoy my Hulk in peace and quiet. Well, not peace and quiet, but with no children crying to distract me from the Edward Norton goodness.
And I tried, I really tried to ignore the constant whimpers and intermittant screams from the back row. I did. I don't want to be the witch who stands up in the middle of the theater to scream at the nice young family behind her (actually, I did, but - unlike you- I care about what people think of me).
When the crying kept it up and you took her halfway down the stairs, I was thrilled. She stopped and we had a good 10 minutes of uninterrupted Hulk SMASH!
And then the cry started again. I waited a whole 15 minutes for you to haul the kid away before I implemented swivel head and laser stare of death. So you're return glare was a little out of line, doncha think?
Thirty minutes, three big fight scenes and one love scene later, our talkative little toddler obviously didn't like Ed's take on the comic book and kept the whole crying thing to a steady wail. Out of respect for her opinions, maybe that would have been a good time to leave. I know that eating a $7.50 movie ticket would probably suck, but try to have a kid without such discerning tastes, okay?
Since s/he stopped her catterwauling just in time for Robert Downey Jr.'s cameo, so obviously s/he's up for the crossover event.
If I could ask for a small favor, could you please let me know which showings of "Wanted" and "Hancock" you'll be bringing our burgeoning movie critic to, so I can plan ahead accordingly that would be great.