Games Days

OK, I admit it. I ignored my football tunnelvision for a couple of weeks and watched the Olympics.
Hours and hours of the Olympics.
And it brought several questions to my sometimes cloudy little mind.
What happened? What did they do to the Games? What have they done to my... oh, no, that’s some old song.
Anyway, I did a little research (very little, I admit; my attention span isn’t that good any more) and I found out (I think) what the problem was.
Let’s compare these Games with the 1964 competition in Tokyo, shall we? (Of course we shall, because I want to and I’m the one writing this.)
In 1964, there were 93 nations competing in 19 “sports,“ the least interesting of which were shooting and equestrian.
In 2008, there were 208 nations competing in 28 “sports.”
Now, I don’t mind the 115 new nations. I guess that just means more people are claiming their right to self-govern, although it does make for an extraordinary opening ceremony. But let’s examine some of the new “sports” that have been added since 1964.
The nine medal sports contested in 2008 that were not in the mix in 1964 were archery, badminton, judo, softball, table tennis, taekwondo, tennis and triathlon.
Boy, there are a couple of real doozies in there.
I have no problem with stuff like taekwondo, judo, tennis, softball and triathlon, but some of those others ...
Let’s take a look at a few of them.
Archery ... two words, Ho and hum.
Badminton ... Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, did you see how hard those people could smack that little white “shuttlecock” around? (Why do they call it a shuttlecock? Did the inventors of the game drive male chickens  around for a living?) What excitement (Yawn). Besides, isn’t badminton that game bored kids and adults play at family reunions after everybody’s eaten and nobody wants to move around too awful much?
Table Tennis (better known as Ping-Pong) ... yawn again. How did a game played in basements and rec rooms and as a marathon charity event end up in the Olympics?
Rhythmic gymnastics ... better known as playing with ribbons and colorful hoola hoops (or at least it should be). No further comment.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying these “sports” don’t require abilities that I can only dream of having, but as Olympic events, they lack a little bit of ... “pizzaz,” for lack of a better word. I mean, my overhead “smash” at badminton wouldn’t even approach half the speed of those at the Games and would most probably either go directly into the net or the back of my partner’s head, but let’s face it, it’s boring. And I never could keep the doggone ball on the table in Ping-Pong, but I still don’t think either one works as an Olympic event. Not even close.
And I don’t even want to talk about synchronized swimming (so I won’t).
And now for my favorite. Cycling. No complaints about the road races or the chase events. Makes for some good nap time (there I go again with the naps), but when NBC dumps the gold medal match in men’s volleyball and instead shows mountain biking, and not even all of that (thank the Lord for that because those “races” lasted more than an hour each), I get a bit miffed.
Thankfully, I was able to watch the United States’ upset of Brazil live on the Canadian channel, but there’s something wrong with that, too, don’t you think? I mean, the match is live on the Canadian channel, but we get to see taped highlights 19 hours after the fact on American television? Bad on you, NBC.
And then there was BMX. Man, oh, man what a waste of air time. Bunch of grown men and women riding bicycles that are way to small for them over a lot of man-made bumps and a couple of gullies. Sure, it takes some skill and a good bit of conditioning, but is it worthy of an Olympic gold medal? I think not.
OK, now that I’ve made a whole bunch of people angry because I’ve dissed their favorite “sport,” I guess I’ll go practice my own favorite and dream of the day when I can a watch a stimulating round of “Couch Potato Napping and Yelling at the TV” in a future Olympics. (Why not? they‘re sticking everything else in there).
Note: The opinions expressed in this column are strictly those of the author and do not reflect those of the management or staff of this newspaper. But then, we hardly ever agree on anything anyway, so that’s OK. And please, don’t fill my back seat with Ping-Pong balls or badminton shuttlecocks, thank you very much.

-Jim

Comments

[Tracey]

Looks like you've dissed almost all the Olympic games. By the way, is Football an Olympic game? Oh wait...you're tunnelvision suggests there isn't one. I have to wonder what you would say if there was. Alot of good points brought up in this blog and even tho I have to type one handed for now I had to post. One reason...well, is personal. The other, because I have to agree w/ most of what you had to say, and have to wonder if there will ever be an invention of a sport where ping-pong balls and "shuttlecocks" can live in harmony in the same game. Maybe after all the other balls of the aforementioned games have vanished in the mist. Afteral, you know what they say...Necessity is the mother of invention.